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Sound familiar? If you want to manage anger, the only way of doing so is to listen to your self-talk. This doesn’t mean listening to yourself talk. It means listening to your SELF-TALK. It’s quite true that anger is created from within. No matter how much you say—“She made me mad!” “It makes me so mad when…”—the anger comes from YOU, not it or she. Our thoughts about “it” or “she” is actually where the anger comes from. And by changing our thinking we can change the way we feel (for example, instead of angry or enraged, annoyed or irritated..) Doesn’t it make sense, then, if anger is created from within that we have the power from within to keep from getting angry? The answer is a definitive YES. By adjusting how you think about a situation, to listen your self-talk, is how you keep yourself from getting mad—period. How? By listening for demands. What are demands? They’re easy to spot. They tend to express themselves in words such as SHOULD, ought, must, have-to, need. Depending upon the context and situation, when these words or thoughts are used they will create anger. Whether you use them on someone or someone is using them on you, a sense of anger, rage or mad evolves from these words/thoughts of demand when things don’t go your way. There are numerous examples of how this is true, but here is a simple one that most everyone can relate to: You’re driving in rush-hour traffic, late to get home. Another driver cuts you off, almost hitting you, so he can run a yellow light that actually is quite red by the time he runs it—leaving you stopped at the light and cursing the driver as he speeds away. Your immediate thoughts are: “What an idiot! People like that shouldn’t be allowed to drive!! He’s an accident waiting to happen. They ought to lock him up!!” The word –should- creates anger because of its demanding nature. Simply stated, the situation is history. Yet, by saying it shouldn’t happen you’re demanding that reality not exist as it does, lousy as it may seem. Bottom line: it happened as it should based upon all the events that led up to it happening. Instead if you approach the situation without demands then your reaction will change appropriately. You may wish he didn’t drive that way, you may prefer it, but he’s driving that way…so don’t deny the reality of it! It may be illegal, but it’s his choice to drive that way. You’d feel much better to accept it and not demand anything to the contrary. This works for anything in life. When you “should on somebody” you’re creating anger for yourself (or them) when it is totally un-necessary. When you knock off the demands, shoulds and oughts, you’ll notice a difference. It would be nice if things always went the way you want them to go, but that isn’t reality, so become more tolerant by listening to your own thoughts and you’ll start to see anger withering away. Dr. David L. Thomas, LMHC Easy Face Painting. - Step-By-Step Face Painting Guide Makes Face Painting So Easy Even Non-Painters Can Look Like Pros. Parenting Secrets By Mother Of Five. - Raising Kids With Life Skills makes both parenting and growing up easier to do. Ultimate Sports Parent Radio interviews Twan Russell, a former Miami
Dolphins player and current Director of Youth Programs for the Dolphins. He
talked about how pre-game jitters help sports kids--and why pre-game fear
hurts them. He says that a top issue for young football players is
maintaining composure. Article Index: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
More Articles:1. Modeling By Steve Pavlina One of the most effective concepts in personal development is modeling. Modeling simply means that you find someone who’s already getting the results you want in some area, learn what they did to get those results, and then basically just do the same thing. It’s a lot like following a recipe to re-create a meal.As an example, years ago I met a man who had gone from earning $40K/year to earning $400K/year over a period of two years. I asked him how he did it, and he told me. One of his main ide… 2. It's Not What You Think Coach, It's What You Do By Chris Stowell If you are like the leader or employees in the research we have conducted, you would have little difficulty describing the elements in an effective coaching session. Even ineffective leaders could correctly define what should occur. The difference was that the ineffective leader was inhibited or could not apply or enact the desired behaviors when asked to do so in a real-time coaching session. The effective leaders, on the other hand, were able to apply the desired behaviors.What causes the… 3. Growing On G.R.O.W – A More Specific Coaching Model For Busy Managers By Allan Mackintosh The effective coaching of employees by their line managers is fast becoming an expectation from both senior management and from the employees themselves. Many managers are now being taught how best to coach their employees by employing the standard coaching model called G.R.O.W, where G equates to the Goal to be achieved, R to the Reality of the present situation, O for Options available and W for the Way Forward and Will.G.R.O.W, constructed by Graham Alexander and championed by Sir John Whit… 4. Life On The Receiving End Of Coaching By Reg Hardy What is it like to be on the receiving end of mentoring to improve your performance in pocket billiards and at the same time, participate in life changing coaching?You are the reason for all of the things you are going through. Once you accept that, you are then ready to make the changes that will take you to the next level and far beyond.Many billiards players find themselves blocked from moving to the next level. They seem to stay in the same place year after year. Do you find yourself at on… |
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