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Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 29, 2002 A few months after my divorce I started seeing a friend of my ex-wife. She told me I really needed a person that would appreciate me. We had a great sex life, and she told me anytime was fine. I told her I never heard that before, but she said she was different. After a year she asked when we were going to buy a house. I said, "If you want to, we will." I used my money to buy the house, and our sex life changed as soon as we moved in. Her life is now centered around her young son from a previous marriage, and when he goes to bed, she goes to bed. This has been going on since we bought the house four years ago. We never would have bought the house if our relationship was like this before. Kennan Kennan, you knew how important a vital sexual relationship was for you. Some part of you sensed it was too good to be true. When you questioned her, she allayed your fears, but those fears have come to pass. Time complicated the situation. After four years your girlfriend is likely to feel nothing but anger when you confront her, but confront her you must. What really is the issue? Is it sex, or is there not enough love between the two of you for physical intimacy to be a natural part of your relationship? If there isn't a connection which allows intimacy, there isn't a connection which allows this relationship to continue. Tamara Breaking With Tradition I have a problem with my husband's grandmother. From the beginning, I welcomed and accepted his grandmother openly. I did not question her motives and accepted her for who she is. The problem is this woman is the source of gossip in the family and dwells on pitting my husband and his brother against each other in petty competitions. This carries over and includes the wives. I am a born-again Christian and the peacemaker in the family, and I am tired of it. I am tired of petty competitions like who gave the best birthday present. I told each and every woman the gossip must stop! Life is too short to spend on negative issues and fighting. How can I teach my children healthy conflict resolution if this woman continually hurts us and starts fights? She is in her 70s and too late to change I guess. Josee Josee, your desire to teach your children healthy conflict resolution is excellent. It is a much needed skill, but it assumes at least a minimal willingness on the part of the other person to play. Sometimes that just isn't the case. So it is with your husband's grandmother. She has been doing damage to her family for decades, and barring some profound event like a near-death experience, she isn't likely to change. Dealing effectively with her is more like housebreaking a puppy than conflict resolution. A behavioral approach is what is called for. Behaviorism has strong overtones of manipulation which we don't approve of, but with intractable behavior it can be the only answer. Perhaps you will choose to praise her when she makes positive comments, and remain silent and ignore negative comments. Or perhaps you will simply let her know you and your children will promptly leave in the presence of infighting or negative comparisons. Whatever you decide, keep to your plan as faithfully as if housebreaking a puppy. You might also look for a book on behavioral analysis, especially one dealing with the rules for shaping behavior. Many people marry into toxic families. Spending less time with them and more time with people who value what you value will make your life more enjoyable. Even more importantly, it will give your children the opportunity to see the difference between productive, mature behavior and its opposite. Wayne & Tamara Adultery, Cheating Spouse Help. - Dr. Phil Expert -Top Pi Bill Mitchell is an infidelity expert. He is a nationally known guest of Tv, radio and newsprint media. Hypnotism Education: Learn To Hypnotize. - Hypnosis online audio training mp3 and instant access audio files by Wayne F. Perkins. As part of our Sports Parents' Coach series, Ultimate Sports Parent
interviews John, the father of an 11-year-old soccer play who is a
perfectionist and tends to criticize his teammates. Mental game coach Dr.
Patrick Cohn and Lisa Cohn provide ideas and tips. Article Index: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
More Articles:1. What Rules! By Clyde Dennis There are things that we do automatically internally that we don't even realize are the things that make us who we are. Our own rules for living that we hardly ever question, and even less frequently examine.A few months ago I made a statement in a small group of co-workers concerning the fact that somewhere along the way, as a mechanism (as in "clear the... " (from the movie 'For the Love of the Game', see it if you haven't. It's awesome...)) for getting through tough situations, I developed … 2. Tips for Writing Great Coaching E-Books By Andrea J. Lee Never understimate the power of a well-written word. Tens of thousands of readers of coaching ebooks have had their lives changed for the better by a well written ebook. It's a remarkable medium that you can tap into to coach others day or night, in the city or country, all across the planet. Is writing an ebook for you? Do you have the answers to a specific problem? Can you research the answers? Do you have a personal story to tell about overcoming the problem in your own life? Is th… 3. Plug in Your Systems for Success By Fran Briggs Have you ever noticed that so many of us who work diligently and ethically rarely achieve our objectives? And, why is it that those who-seemingly-work half as hard and half as long experience one success after another?The answer is twofold; successful people succeed because they implement proven, systems for success. Secondly, successful people have mastered the art of making time, work for them.Are you utilizing proven systems for success in your life? Here's a powerful outlet that you can… 4. 4 Quick, Easy Ways to Say No to People Who Take You for Granted By Peter Murphy No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will try to take advantage of your good nature. They will push you, get you to do more than your fair share and keep asking you to do even more.And worst of all -- often your efforts will be taken for granted. Unless you can say No, the situation will not change in fact it may get even more difficult.That is unless you can say No to these unreasonable people because very often to win respect from people you have to sometimes say No.Here ar… |
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